I'm the victim of bad parents, so I don't have to honor them....... right???

I had to think long and hard about what I was going to put on this page tonight...........................

                                                                                                                                         long and hard. 

             You see when I created this blog I swore to myself that I would be honest even raw at times despite how it made me feel. I also swore that I wouldn't make light of things that were important or skirt around issues that needed to be addressed but I also didn't want to make enemies on my own. I wanted my blog to speak truth as lovingly as possible but at the same time spur in every reader a level of self awareness that would drive them to look deeper and critically assess their own position. I can only hope that while this post will most definitely offend a few it will drive many to critically assess their own response to their parents as they age.......

We pulled up in the driveway per the request of an elderly man and his wife........ "give the horn a honk, his truck is here I'm sure he'll come right out!" 

So I do as I'm told, knowing full well that the likelihood of that is slim to none.

                    Who's house are we at? The soft yet commanding voice comes from the back..... "were at our sons house, didn't you want to see him?" Well, yes, that would be nice, we haven't seen him in a while she says. You can hear the desire in her voice the longing to connect with the one she hasn't seen or heard from in "a while" as she puts it.

            We sit in the driveway for a bit, I see movement in the house but no need to point it out it will simply cause more sadness. After some time the elder speaks up "I guess we better go". I am very happy to oblige this request because I can't handle the elephant sitting in the car with us it's quite stifling and so very depressing at the same time. As I go to back out a young voice from the back says "he's coming to the door.... the man who owns the house he's there he was at the window". The elder asks me to stop the car and we wait some more........ you can see the sorrow in his eyes as he looks at the door, waiting for it to open but it doesn't. After a few moments I am forced to ask a question I would rather not, "Would you like me to pull back up?" "No, he replies let's go". That moment the moment when you know what is next, the moment when you see on his face the despair and the sadness that goes without saying and then like a bomb the soft yet commanding voice from the back says, "guess he doesn't want to see us". 

The level of disappointment in her voice is so evident it is almost 

unbearable and even the children in the car are brought to silence. 

It is a sad day for this elder man and his wife. 

           As we pull away he is silent but the burden of the experience is so shattering that he cannot keep it within, the shoulders take on a different shape his head hangs low and it is clear his heart is so heavy with pain that he can barely keep himself composed.

         How exceptionally cruel I think to myself that a child would do this to their parent. Will mine do this to me? I should hope not. What would drive a person to be so selfish, so thoughtless, so heartless? All these questions are only helpful if you care about the answer but honestly I haven't found a bible verse that would condone this behavior at all so I am forced to move on to consider that this person is better considered a follower of his own pleasures than that of the Almighty.

        In a desperate attempt to understand God's expectations of us I wanted to ensure that I understood the command and the promise. 

Exo 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Deu 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Mat 15:4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.

Mat 15:6 And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.

Mat 19:19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Mar 7:10 For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death:

Mar 10:19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

Luk 18:20 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother.

Eph 6:2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

WOW, no really WOW..... God seems to think that honoring our parents is a BIG DEAL...... and so should we! You see He gave us a promise, two actually. 

One, if we honor our parents our days on this earth will be long.

Two, if we honor our parents He says the benefit is that it may go well with us on earth.....

Ironically the one thing I really was looking for was an excuse from this commandment, something that could help me rationalize the behaviors of "christians" who don't honor their parents but I didn't find that anywhere in scripture.

           You see all of us don't have picture perfect parents. We all disagree on some level about how they did or didn't do something and we probably even swore we'd do it differently when we got children. Some of us are a product of an alcoholic or an abusive parent but God didn't give exceptions to this commandment. He never put a clause on it telling us we got a free pass if we were too offended by our parents behavior or if we disagreed with their parenting approach. As a matter of fact, there are ZERO options to negotiate on giving them the honor God says to give.

        Wanna know the craziest thing yet, we don't get a pass on this one and it looks like He had a few things to say about people who failed to honor their parents......

Matthew 15:4 For God said: Honor your father and your mother; and, The one who speaks evil of father or mother must be put to death.

Proverbs 20:20 Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

Exodus 21:17 And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.

Leviticus 20:9 If there is anyone who curses his father or his mother, he shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother, his bloodguiltiness is upon him.

Proverbs 30:11 “There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers;

Deuteronomy 27:16 “Cursed is anyone who dishonors their father or mother.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!”

Proverbs 30:17 The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. Matthew 15:18-20 But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”

Exodus 21:15 Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.

Proverbs 15:20 A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother.

Proverbs 23:22-25
Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.

         I'm no different than a lot of people. I have differing opinions about parenting than my parents but it's ok. I'm a unique individual and even the bad times for me were opportunities to grow. I'd rather be a wise son/daughter than to fall into the category of a foolish son/daughter who despises my parents. You see there isn't a way to sweep this fact under the rug. 

HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER

It isn't a gentle request, it's a commandment.

It doesn't come with clauses or exceptions. It doesn't say "honor them if your comfortable with how they raised you" or "honor them only after you work out your own feelings" it simply says, Honor your father and mother.

And if for some reason you're confused about how you might honor your parents even if you don't care for them here are a few verses that might simplify the issue.......

Every believer is to live as best they can by following God's examples and commands........ here are a few....

Philippians 2:1-4

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Ephesians 4:32

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

And of course we all know the fruits of the spirit. It may be hard but again this isn't a negotiation it's God's command so quite trying to negotiate and do as you have been commanded.

I am a lazy woman.....

       I came into the door of my house tonight ready to go to sleep but that is not at all what was necessary. The kids needed to eat (cheers to my mother for giving me a pan of left over lasagna that just needed heating), the baby is hungry which requires me to stop what I'm doing to feed her, the dishes are piled high ( see picture to the right) laundry is on the floor, beds are not made, floors are not swept and there is NO WAY I'm showing you what kind of chaos the porch is in.  I must seriously be a lazy women.




   
        What kind of God fearing, self respecting woman would let the whole of her household look like an elementary student and a tornado organized for her? What kind of "mother" would allow her children to live like this....  I throw the baby in the walker, run water for the dishes, scream at the kid to find the dish soap that kids and hubby left outside where they had been washing the camper. Turn to the pan of lasagna and hack a few servings out carelessly dumping them on disposable plates and shove them into the microwave for a mere 30 seconds which might be great for a cup of coffee but is seriously not enough time for their food. I find a bag of steam-able green beans in the fridge and dump them in the microwave for 5 minutes, mutilate the bag with a pair of scissors I dug out of the dish water, dish up the green beans and tell my son that hates them that they're a new variety and thus consumable by his otherwise anti green bean palate. Score! He buys the line and off they go out the door to eat on the porch (which I remind you will not be featured in the pictures tonight due to the utter chaos that is present) while I begin to "put away" with far less care than is required the stacks of cloths that are on the bar/table.... Seriously shoving them in drawers and tossing them in boxes in a manner that would on another occasion be considered highly offensive because they ended up unfolded due to poor handling. Ugh..... why can't laundry do itself?
       
       At this point I am ready to just throw in the towel, no pun intended but instead of tossing up my hands and screaming at the top of my lungs which really seems like a great idea at this point I dig my heals in and go back to the sink and proceed to accomplish a few dishes before I'm flooded with requests like; "Are we going to get a drink?" WATER have all the water you want. "Can we have a fork?" Do you see what I'm doing? Do you think I'd be doing it if it didn't absolutely have to be done????? Eat with the spoon I gave you... Use your hands for the green beans, they're long. "Can we play legos when we are done?" NO WAY it's late you're going to bed..... It's like I've spoken a strange language since they were born and they've landed in an aliens house and think the responses are going to somehow change...... GO TO BED.....


         BED..... oh my gosh look at my room..... I can't stand it. I have to get this situated before I can even think about going to bed.... mind you the baby is now practically foaming at the mouth for some mom time because I am completely ignoring her plea for attention. Wait a minute there are still dishes... crisis moment as I decide to abandon the half done dishes and proceed to pick up the bedroom area in hopes that upon return to the dishes I will "feel" ok that the bedroom is clean enough to go to bed in and thus motivate me to finish my psychotic attempt to right everything that has been wronged in the last three days.  Lets not even consider that there is another grown adult in this house hold and we both hold jobs.... that would be offensive at best to suggest that the other party is slacking.... The kids aren't helpless either at 11, 10 and almost 9 what in the heavens are they doing most of the time? Oh well... no time to dwell on that. On to the front door were the shoes were all over until I tucked them neatly in their cubby a touch of sweeping and on into the bathroom I go....

      Strip to underwear and t-shirt because there is NO GOOD REASON not to wear your blue jeans 2 days in a row and proceed to douse the very large tub with cleaner step over the side nearly clearing my feet from underneath me and swiftly clean the tub thinking maybe if I get up early enough in the morning I'll take a bath ( I haven't had one in two... no wait maybe three days) that's a big IF but definitely moving higher on the priority list. Pick up the dirty cloths that somehow make it next to but never in the basket. Finally I empty the trash and come out of the bathroom feeling like I've accomplished a small portion of an overwhelming task at the same time making a mental note that I should clean the bathroom first next time as it's nice to be out of my jeans and it makes you feel accomplished.

Holy mackerel where did the time go. The baby's sounds have now become intolerable to ignore so I throw some veggies in the oven on broil and lay down on the bed to feed her hoping the veggies won't end up being sticks of charcoal by the time I'm done.  After she eats I lay the angel in her bed and head back to the kitchen where I rescue my veggies, wipe off the top of the stove, get some cashew milk and cottage cheese and sit down for a short break. Finally I decide that the half done dishes, half swept floor, half cleaned bedroom and chaotic porch will just have to wait for another day when I'm not being a lazy woman.

         So to all the lazy women out there, take a minute and respect the fact that you are a hard working, lazy looking woman who will rarely get the recognition you'd like..... Go buy yourself some flowers to put on your half cleaned counter top and for heavens sake go to bed......... You can repeat the process tomorrow :)

It's all about the Bias

I finally have a moment to sit and type out a post. I've been meaning to do it for some time. Good thing my life doesn't depend on the number of blog posts I accomplish in a week, month or even a year for that matter!

So today I want to talk about Bias. The world is rampant with people screaming for acceptance, people arguing that things are racist and even that if conservatives weren't so conservative that life would be better for everyone. We live in a day where most people want the truth so bad they're cheering on a loud mouthed arrogent billionaire for President (who happens to say a lot of the things we want to say).

What is happening???

After a quick trip to my favorite dictionary site I found the definition of bias;

bi·as

ˈbīəs/

noun

1. 1. 

   prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair.

   "there was evidence of bias against foreign applicants"

   synonyms:

   prejudice, partiality, partisanship, favoritism, unfairness, one-sidedness; More
2. 2. 

   in some sports, such as lawn bowling, the irregular shape given to a ball.

verb

1. 1. 

   cause to feel or show inclination or prejudice for or against someone or something.

   "readers said the paper was biased toward the conservatives"

   synonyms:

   prejudice, influence, color, sway, weight, predispose; More

2. 

give a bias to.

"bias the ball"

I would venture to say all of us are pretty familiar with noun description one and verb description one! But honestly what is bias and why does it matter? Biases are things that we think that persuade our actions or words. 

I have a lot of biases, so do you! You just don't think of them much because it isn't at the for thought of your mind.  When I was growing up we were taught a number of things and each moral point or opinion was an area where my mind could take hold of a bias and keep it.  Bias is a BAD BAD word, people automatically assume that if you have bias you are either an eccentric or a racist and that's crazy. The synonyms for bias are prejudice, partiality, partisanship, favoritism, unfairness and one-sidedness. 

Let's for the sake of care start calling this little issue favoritism for just a moment :) I have favoritism for truth, honesty, respect, and just an overall moral view! This does not extend past that and ironically when you have partiality or favoritism for these things the people who don't have it really truly think you are biased against them. WHY? People have a very hard time separating themselves from the issue. 

Recently my husband and I resigned from the local fire department, because we are biased of course! We have a thing, an unfair thing for good leadership! We don't think the people are bad, just their leadership skills :) I'll even bet you have a bias in that area too! 

Have you ever criticized the president? Ever considered the views of a leader or boss to be unjust, unfair or poor in management? Ah Ha, how dare you! You biased person you!..... 

           Take this a step deeper, you prefer morals, and now the person is not the same skin tone as you...... oooooohhhhhh..... now your racist in the eyes of the person... because it can't have anything to do with behaviors. Now don't misunderstand me there ARE PEOPLE who are racist, but many many times the issue isn't the skin but the behavior!

As individual in society we need to draw the line between our bias and understand that not all bias is bad. However we must remember that whomever is doing the opposite of what we are biased towards is going to feel as though we don't like them and most likely react accordingly. Here's what that book, you know the "good" book.... says about bias

Exodus 23:

1“You shall not bear a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked man to be a malicious witness. 2 You shall not follow [a]the masses in doing evil, nor shall you [b]testify in a dispute so as to turn aside after [c]a multitude in order to pervert justice; 3 nor shall you [d]be partial to a poor man in his dispute.

4 “If you meet your enemy’s ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him. 5 If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying helpless under its load, you shall refrain from leaving it to him, you shall surely release it with him.

6 “You shall not pervert the justice due to your needy brother in his dispute. 7 Keep far from a false charge, and do not kill the innocent or the righteous, for I will not acquit the guilty.

8 “You shall not take a bribe, for a bribe blinds the clear-sighted and [e]subverts the cause of the just.

9 “You shall not oppress a [f]stranger, since you yourselves know the [g]feelings of a [h]stranger, for you also were [i]strangers in the land of Egypt.

Biases are expected by God and He expects them to lean towards godliness. This does not mean that others will appreciate them nor does it mean you should change them. Just understand that when a bias is founded in the truth it is good, however when the bias is founded in the things of the world like prejudice against race, size, color or tone then it is unacceptable and should be removed. I will always be biased against lying, stealing, cheating and disrespect and I will have a bias for my Country because it is mine, I will have a bias for my children (the obedient and the disobedient), I will have a bias for my family..... and all these things are just a few of my biases. 

What are yours? 

                 Good bias? 

                              Bad bias?   

The HORRIBLE AWFUL NO GOOD MOTHER OF 2015

         I can hear them already in the not so distant future reminiscing about their "Horrible, awful, no good summer of 2015". I'm already chuckling at the stories we have yet to create but for some reason I know that it's going to be a summer to remember....

       June 4th rolled around and I had had it! I was sick and tired of the demanding cries of video game time, iPad time, app purchases and minecraft. I was already sick of hearing how hot it was and how difficult the simple tasks were to complete. Yes, I'd say it's time for us to enter my kind of summer...... the summer where we ran bare foot on an oil top road, road our bikes to the wagon wheels, mowed the whole lawn with a push mower and drank from the water hose (good minerals and bacteria in there I'm sure).

      A lot of you have a variation of "your summer" and I've noticed that from generation to generation the idea of living life has morphed into a plethora of technology and very little practical experience. I became aware of just how jaded our sense of raising children had become when my husband said to me "they shouldn't go to the creek, there are snakes down there"..... Seriously? Oh wait they are probably the same ol' snakes that I was wading through the creek with a meager 20 years ago! (holy cow am I that old?) Leave it to me to have a warped sense of humor about the "scary" snakes..... Now I'm not advocated total stupidity my boys will acquire that naturally at about 14 but rather I'm talking about kicking of the training wheel and the "electronic guides" and making a stab at living.

      So far my plan has been a crazy success....... WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS SOONER...    I've been waking the boys up and rushing them outside for their first activity of the day, weeding the garden. But they will soon learn that the days of mom acting as the alarm clock are going to come to a screeching end. After another week it will be their job to roll their happy butts out of bed and begin the morning routine.... I plan to wake earlier and enjoy a cup of coffee on the porch greeting the sunshine and preparing to watch my future men begin to come of age.

The Apostle Paul wrote this; When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (1 Corinthians 13:11, NASB)

And the more I think about it right now the more thankful I am that I have come to this reality so quickly. What would my boys look like in 5 years without this revelation? You see I'm not saying that they are men right now but they are supposed to be becoming men. How will I teach them to put away childish things in a world where the men often act less responsible in word, action and behavior than many of the children? How will I teach them to embrace patience, honesty, respect, due diligence or sacrifice when they have never had to experience it for themselves? 

       Just a few days ago my boys took on the task of mowing my parents lawn (begrudgingly at first because it wasn't their idea...lol)..... I sent one of the boys down to our house to fetch the mower. Upon his return I promptly went out to the yard and demonstrated ( not told them how, not told  them what to do, not instructions barked from the sidelines) I took the mower and demonstrated cranking then proceeded to cut a section of grass out as a sample. I then demonstrated how to continue cutting without leaving sections behind and proceeded to hand the responsibility to the boys, instructing them to take turns. It probably took a mere 5 mins before they were beating down the door for a break, a drink of water and a complaint but instead of a sweet mom greeting them at the door they met the Horrible Awful No Good Mother of 2015 who promptly disbanded the mutiny and sent them right back out to the lawn...... They tried this 3 times give or take a few until finally reality set in and I began to hear the steady hum of the mower and not a single voice coming from just outside the door.  

About an hour in the mower fizzled out and I stepped outside to tell them they had just discovered that amazing sound when you actually run out of gas! I sent one of them back down to the house for the gas can. As my one son was walking across the lawn with the can my other son said "bring it here I've got this". I kind of chuckled and replied, "how exactly do you know how to put gas in the mower?" He replied matter of factly.... humph, I watch dad! 

NEVER EVER EVER underestimate how closely 

they are watching you when they aren't watching a screen!

I returned back inside figuring that whatever the outcome a worse case scenario would be spilled gasoline. Ironically what I heard was the start of the mower and a very loud and excited woooooooh whooooooo!!!! As he pushed the mower back towards the area they had been mowing it was in that moment that I knew that I was going to love being the HORRIBLE AWFUL NO GOOD MOM OF 2015 because there was no way a video game could teach my son the gratification of knowing what he can do in the real world.

So as yours go about their summer numbing take a minute and consider what they might be able to accomplish. Catch yourself when you start to say "that's too difficult for them" or "they're not big enough" good pete, LET THEM TRY.  Show them once actually SHOW THEM and then LET THEM GO...... let them discover what does and doesn't work... don't take over when you think it's taking too long, don't shelter them from being uncomfortable or guard them from what will only make them stronger. For goodness sake start being a HORRIBLE AWFUL NO GOOD MOTHER and you'll find out that it produces ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND EXTREMELY CAPABLE YOUNG MEN!!!!

Life is Awesome..... and then there's Alzheimers... and Anniversaries......

No really it isn't a joke at all. My life is currently almost exclusively Awesome! Awesome's diapers, Awesome's hungry, Awesome's being held..... yep it's Awesome. I am beyond blessed to finally hold in my grasps a beautiful baby girl that we have affectionately named Awesome!

Life has been quite a blur lately but I can honestly say that it's been a good blur. Boys, baby, grandparents, husband and soon I'll be taking classes again :) Compared to so many other times I can say that the hustle and bustle has got me tired. No i think it's more like really exhausted but not the give up it isn't worth it kind but rather the fall into bed lets do it all again tomorrow kind.

So lets talk about the not so awesome.... Grams has Alzheimers and I have had the privilege of being around Gram a lot lately (that's the awesome part of the not so awesome) and while each moment is bitter sweet, for Grams it has become mostly bitter. She is very confused and very unhappy and while we all know it's not really Grams talking it's still a lot to swallow and hard on those who care for her.  I think I'd nominate my Mom for Sainthood for accepting the challenge of living with Gram and I'd love it if I could grant my Grandfather patience and a blind eye that would only see the good and be able to forget the bad times when she is wearing him out over returning home (where ever that may be for the day). I love the moments when she holds Awesome and is delighted and content, confident in her ability to sooth and rock her but like all good storms the rain gives way to thunder and lightening fast. Gram can quickly become irritated if Awesome is squirming or even whimpering and that requires quick evasive action to ensure that the irritation is not long lasting. Then there's the constant packing.... remember she's going home..... and the trips to the bathroom, and the questions........ oh the questions......

"Where's my purse? Is it raining outside? Where am I? Who's house is this? Why can't we go home? I have three kids right? Is this my table? What's today? What are we doing here? Why can't we go home?

It's most always confusion and frustration mixed with a total inability to grasp any of the answers so you just answer and wait to answer again! However in the middle of it all there is this sense of amazement..... there are moments when I'm exhausted and I think seriously what is the deal why would God even think about doing this to someone.... why would He think about putting people through this day in and day out...... it's a slow fade and she didn't get a choice in this...... so why?  Ultimately I can't answer that but what I can say is that I have never been so blessed..... there are these little moments throughout the day, little nuggets of gold gleaned from my grandparents that really can not be replaced by anything else....

So what do Awesome, Alzheimers and Anniversaries have in common? Moments...... they are moments..... and every moment counts.

One of the most blessed days I have had with my grandparents was the day of their 60th wedding anniversary. The day started out like any other...... they got up, got dressed and proceeded out to the living room for breakfast and medicine..... socks and shoes..... all the normal daily grind that we face. Like any other day a trip to town is a great thing to do when you have nothing else on your schedule so we loaded up in the car and headed to Shreveport ( I think that's where we went lol ) and like any other day I expected a quiet ride, grandpa typically sleeps and grandma sits quietly in the back talking to Awesome.

Gram quietly asked from the back seat, "what's today" and Grandpa answered her "it's our 60th wedding Anniversary!" Sixty years Gram exclaimed, "I can't believe you've put up with me that long". Grandpa responded "I think it's been the other way around!"  About thirty minutes later Grandpa began to tell Grandma moment by moment the events of their wedding day..... where they were as each minute passed in the car as the timeline of the day passed it was met with little word pictures of their wedding day from start to finish..... from dressing and hair to the preachers prayer to lines from their vows...... every now an then he would say "do you remember that" and sometimes should would respond.... I remember..... Listening to him tell her the event he knew so clearly that her mind would no longer allow her to retain, the gentle reminder of a day so sacred that most think they will never forget it, at least not by choice and yet here Gram sat 60 years in and almost clueless to their accomplishment..... Moments...... simple moments.... What a blessing it was for me to hear the love and dedication on that day.... a private time in the car that had I not been driving I would never have heard the delicate interchange of love.......

All the while as I help my Gram it makes me think of a southern gospel song that over the years I have loved so dearly....... it goes like this....

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living,
Happy songs from the laughter of children at play;
Hold my hand as we run through the sweet fragrant meadows,
Making mem'ries of what was today.

Chorus: We have this moment to hold in our hands
and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today.

Tiny voice that I hear is my little girl calling,
For Daddy to hear just what she has to say;
And my little son running there by the hillside,
May never be quite like today.

Tender words, gentle touch and a good cup of coffee,
And someone who loves me and wants me to stay;
Hold them near while they're here and don't wait for tomorrow,
To look back and wish for today.

Take the blue of the sky and the green of the forest,
And the gold and the brown of the freshly mown hay;
Add the pale shades of spring and the circus of autumn,
And weave you a lovely today.

Gram can no longer weave her "lovely today" but on that day Grandpa did something for her by weaving her a lovely day. I hope that as I age I will have and experience the same opportunities to hold tight to the moments with my family to weave memories for myself and for others and if and when my mind disappears someone will be there to weave me a lovely day......

More lyrics http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/gaither_vocal_band/we_have_this_moment_today-lyrics-318634.html#ixzz3bfiC2E24

Leadership, it's important.

       As I journey through the muddy waters of having to live the life of a single parent ( I'll refrain from the "single mom" cliche because I realize that being a single parent is not limited to only a mother) and relying on the generous yet stressful world of public assistance, I have been compelled to speak out about what I feel is a vital issue in today's families. The structures that have been laid waste by men who have failed to step up, step out and step through the smoke and obstacles that will quickly blind, maim and destroy a family.  

       I am not going to bash men or say that they are incapable of stepping up and out, I am actually going to paint the issue as it stands. God cursed the man in the garden to work his butt off ( Genesis 3:17-19) and no you're not going to get away with saying that was the woman's curse because he gave us a separate one and trust me as a mother of children born naturally, it was a very sufficient curse ;) (Genesis 3:16) and let us not forget the whole desire for the husband and his whole ruling over us bit......

Oh yes ladies I went there..... it's biblical so suck it up and get over it and  guys you will need to buckle up because I said I am NOT going to bash men, but I am going to bash bad leadership! Wouldn't you? 

I hear many people today talking about the horrid leadership we have in America today! I hear so many say, "If I could just get him face to face I'd tell that president what I think about how he's doing and how I think he should do it differently or just GET OUT OF OFFICE." So take this as a real eye opener and if applicable listen to your wife she may just be telling you something you should be listening to and chances are she's saying it in about as nice a tone as you'd address the current leaders of the country! 

    Every good leader has core values that make them a good leader! One of my former husbands biggest complaints was that I simply was not willing to be lead, but my equally frustrated response was that I simply was not going to be led to slaughter, like a defenseless animal. It is no secret that there are many strong willed independent women who have a head on their shoulders and it is highly presumptuous of a man to think that they will follow them blindly to slaughter.

        There are certain things that a leader of the family must be willing to accept about their position.  I will list them as I see them.

A leader of a family must be capable of

1. Leading an army ( the whole unit, not just the willing ones or the ones that are solid in conviction but the WHOLE UNIT)
2. Leading with integrity 
3. Leading with humility
4. Answer to a higher authority

        George Washington was by far a man that we have all learned accomplished great things when it came to leading his men in battle. Among those men were the 1st Virginia Regiment who upon learning of his plans to resign wrote a letter asking him to either reconsider or appoint a man of equal character. In the letter they stated 

         "Your steady adherence to impartial Justice, your quick Discernment and invariable Regard to Merit, wisely intended to inculcate those genuine Sentiments, of true Honor and Passion for Glory, from which the great military Achievements have been derived, first heighten'd our natural Emulation, and our Desire to excel."

Click Here for the whole letter here!

         Two things jump out at me in this sentence, first, the men list qualities that they seem to feel are important, impartial justice, quick discernment, regard for merit, honor and passion for glory. Secondly, these things, these characteristics are attributed for awakening their natural passion and desire to excel!!!

        Many times I have heard a man say that a women has to want to be led, or that she must be willing, in the right spirit or even broken before she can be led but I would argue that if a woman saw in her leader such characteristics as impartial justice, quick discernment and a regard for merit, her natural desire to excel under leadership as well as her commitment to her leader might be awakened in a way that would set a fire to the God given desires for her spouse! And much like the military men, she would not want or even look forward to any resignation of her leader!

         Ahhh Integrity, where exactly have you gone and honestly ( no pun intended) why do you matter? 

Samuel Johnson is quoted saying 

“There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.”

and Thomas Jefferson says "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." 

         Both men were wise in their ideas and it stands to reason that a leader who lacks integrity will lack in respect. Since men are appointed leaders over the woman it would seem imperative that they embody integrity in such a way that they might be accused of being too honest, or too morally sound. A woman is a delicate creature, longing for a strong arm to hold her, a supportive ear to hear her and a steadfast presentation to ensure her safety. None of these things is possible if her leader lacks integrity for she will feel that the strength is just a "show of force", the ear is simply to pacify her momentarily and that the steadfast presentation is nothing but a hollow shell sure to crumble under pressure. You cannot build confidence on lies, manipulations or even a tiny ounce of deceitfulness. A true leader must embrace integrity.

On ward and forward we march towards the need for humility. 

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less” -C. S. Lewis

         I absolutely love this quote from Lewis, it makes the definition of humility look like a thing that is easy to accomplish! But oh how difficult it is to remember that the thoughts you have should be focused not on yourself but on others. A follower is more likely to want to follow if they know that the person who is leading them is worthy of praise but willfully sets aside such things to make note of someone else's accomplishments. A humble leader is more likely to put his followers first, to provide when there is a need, to go beyond expectations and to understand that others are vital even if they don't have the same roles or responsibilities as them.


         Lastly, a true leader must answer to a higher authority. When a leader does not answer to a higher authority, they are a dictator. A man who answers to God is a man who lives under rules and regulations made to ensure his success. A man who refuses to answer to God becomes a slave to his own devices and quickly destroys his own reputation with those who would otherwise have grown to admire him.

"The blame for the broken homes, the untrained and undisciplined children, the immodestly dressed and fashion-mad wives, and the whole train of evils which curse our American civilization, must be placed upon degenerate, weakling men, slackers and shirkers and quitters, not willing to take the place of manhood and bear the burdens which God lays on men as heads of families." John R. Rice

Mr. Rice brings about a very interesting yet sad reality that the failure of the success of families falls upon the shoulders of the unwilling men, those who simply did not embrace the job of leadership God bestows upon all me who volunteer themselves for the position.

         So, after all this I must revisit my earlier idea that a man, when in a relationship with a woman is supposed to be a leader and as such he should possess the very qualities he might expect in a leader. As you consider what you want out of the President, Congress, Governor and even your local leadership in politics and church you must ask yourself, "Do I have the qualities of a leader? Am I one who should be followed? Am I even leading? Have I taken on the idea that my family is a unit who needs a leader?". All these questions most likely will be answered with a half yes or a hell no but either way there will be an answer.

 Once you have your answer then take those questions to your spouse and see what the answers are!!! 

Will she have the same opinions as the soldiers in Washington's unit? 

Will she beg you not to resign? 

         If you find yourself with the reality that you haven't been leading, START NOW! But don't expect a family that was formerly under your dictatorship to suddenly trust your guidance! You must demonstrate your leadership, repeatedly to cancel out the doubt, mistrust and poor performance you provided in your first term! 

You wouldn't expect anything less from the leader of this country!!!