Wednesday, September 16, 2015

I am a lazy woman.....

       I came into the door of my house tonight ready to go to sleep but that is not at all what was necessary. The kids needed to eat (cheers to my mother for giving me a pan of left over lasagna that just needed heating), the baby is hungry which requires me to stop what I'm doing to feed her, the dishes are piled high ( see picture to the right) laundry is on the floor, beds are not made, floors are not swept and there is NO WAY I'm showing you what kind of chaos the porch is in.  I must seriously be a lazy women.

        What kind of God fearing, self respecting woman would let the whole of her household look like an elementary student and a tornado organized for her? What kind of "mother" would allow her children to live like this....  I throw the baby in the walker, run water for the dishes, scream at the kid to find the dish soap that kids and hubby left outside where they had been washing the camper. Turn to the pan of lasagna and hack a few servings out carelessly dumping them on disposable plates and shove them into the microwave for a mere 30 seconds which might be great for a cup of coffee but is seriously not enough time for their food. I find a bag of steam-able green beans in the fridge and dump them in the microwave for 5 minutes, mutilate the bag with a pair of scissors I dug out of the dish water, dish up the green beans and tell my son that hates them that they're a new variety and thus consumable by his otherwise anti green bean palate. Score! He buys the line and off they go out the door to eat on the porch (which I remind you will not be featured in the pictures tonight due to the utter chaos that is present) while I begin to "put away" with far less care than is required the stacks of cloths that are on the bar/table.... Seriously shoving them in drawers and tossing them in boxes in a manner that would on another occasion be considered highly offensive because they ended up unfolded due to poor handling. Ugh..... why can't laundry do itself?
       At this point I am ready to just throw in the towel, no pun intended but instead of tossing up my hands and screaming at the top of my lungs which really seems like a great idea at this point I dig my heals in and go back to the sink and proceed to accomplish a few dishes before I'm flooded with requests like; "Are we going to get a drink?" WATER have all the water you want. "Can we have a fork?" Do you see what I'm doing? Do you think I'd be doing it if it didn't absolutely have to be done????? Eat with the spoon I gave you... Use your hands for the green beans, they're long. "Can we play legos when we are done?" NO WAY it's late you're going to bed..... It's like I've spoken a strange language since they were born and they've landed in an aliens house and think the responses are going to somehow change...... GO TO BED.....

         BED..... oh my gosh look at my room..... I can't stand it. I have to get this situated before I can even think about going to bed.... mind you the baby is now practically foaming at the mouth for some mom time because I am completely ignoring her plea for attention. Wait a minute there are still dishes... crisis moment as I decide to abandon the half done dishes and proceed to pick up the bedroom area in hopes that upon return to the dishes I will "feel" ok that the bedroom is clean enough to go to bed in and thus motivate me to finish my psychotic attempt to right everything that has been wronged in the last three days.  Lets not even consider that there is another grown adult in this house hold and we both hold jobs.... that would be offensive at best to suggest that the other party is slacking.... The kids aren't helpless either at 11, 10 and almost 9 what in the heavens are they doing most of the time? Oh well... no time to dwell on that. On to the front door were the shoes were all over until I tucked them neatly in their cubby a touch of sweeping and on into the bathroom I go....

      Strip to underwear and t-shirt because there is NO GOOD REASON not to wear your blue jeans 2 days in a row and proceed to douse the very large tub with cleaner step over the side nearly clearing my feet from underneath me and swiftly clean the tub thinking maybe if I get up early enough in the morning I'll take a bath ( I haven't had one in two... no wait maybe three days) that's a big IF but definitely moving higher on the priority list. Pick up the dirty cloths that somehow make it next to but never in the basket. Finally I empty the trash and come out of the bathroom feeling like I've accomplished a small portion of an overwhelming task at the same time making a mental note that I should clean the bathroom first next time as it's nice to be out of my jeans and it makes you feel accomplished.

Holy mackerel where did the time go. The baby's sounds have now become intolerable to ignore so I throw some veggies in the oven on broil and lay down on the bed to feed her hoping the veggies won't end up being sticks of charcoal by the time I'm done.  After she eats I lay the angel in her bed and head back to the kitchen where I rescue my veggies, wipe off the top of the stove, get some cashew milk and cottage cheese and sit down for a short break. Finally I decide that the half done dishes, half swept floor, half cleaned bedroom and chaotic porch will just have to wait for another day when I'm not being a lazy woman.

         So to all the lazy women out there, take a minute and respect the fact that you are a hard working, lazy looking woman who will rarely get the recognition you'd like..... Go buy yourself some flowers to put on your half cleaned counter top and for heavens sake go to bed......... You can repeat the process tomorrow :)

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