Saturday, May 28, 2011

What is love?

Today we learn many things about "love" how it should make us feel, how we should make "love", how to find our true "love" and how "love" is the end all and be all of our relationships and that once we fall out of "love" then what is there left? We are taught that without this Hollywood portrayal of "love" we are lacking so much that we must abandon all in a fast pace in order to fulfill our one and only need with little regard for others. But wait what is love? Is it really this idea of being on cloud nine for the rest of our lives, the idea of spooning continually in the arms of our "lover", passing away the time in pure bliss with not a want or need for the future or any actions that come in living life?

Could it be? Could it possibly be, that our definition of love is so severely off that we are risking the future of many a union by spreading the lies so swiftly that they are cutting off all opportunity for marriages to thrive? You see, there are not many long standing married couples I have met that will pretend that "cloud 9" type love is prolific in their daily lives as a couple. Some may even state that it is only there for the beginning! Can you imagine that having a deep and engrossed romantic encounter is NOT the real love one must take on as a way to encourage a healthy, vibrant, and long lasting relationship. With that being said what in all honesty is love? Love is best defined as a commitment that views all problems as solvable, resolvable, tasks and bears with confidence even the most evil of actions by one or both parties involved. Love is the moment when you realize that life isn't about you and that your narcissism must be sacrificed to feed the narcissism of another! Love is when you decided that you don't have to be on "Cloud 9" your whole life and yet you will be ok. Love is when you are willing to recognize that all the pain you endure is nothing compared to the pain you have inflicted on another. That my friends is the level of commitment necessary to make a marriage/relationship last. This level of commitment can see you through addictions, adultery, anger and resentment it can bring you to a place of peace, contentment and even happiness. This is NOT a sure fire cure, it's simply but a possible reality. This is in short a love called commitment.

How do we get there? Where do we find the strength to manage this inhuman level of devotion for another, denying our self daily in a way that allows another to feel secure in our love? Well, it isn't easy! It is a daily conscience decision, you will not wake up every morning thinking " I am so in love". In fact those mornings when you roll over and see that special someone in your relationship and think "I am so lucky and they are so lovely!" my friend you have reached "Cloud 9". Cherish it, it will not last! This is what I must affectionately inform you is lust, you can lust your spouse and while it is a wonderful feeling it very rarely can hold up a relationship. You must remember that everyone ages and there will come a day when your dragging gut or her sagging chest doesn't strike you as gorgeous! That's O.K. though you'll find something else to lust over provided you have found the commitment ( i.e. love) that will hold you together. Life is a journey that takes us so many directions and at no point does it seem fair in many ways but the one thing you can rest in for a fact is that a long lasting relationship won't be fair, but that it is worth it. Not because it isn't fair but because each step of the way, the deeper your commitment is the more you begin to understand your superhuman strength that allows you to weather the storms, hold up your loved one and still be able to walk the beaches and smile. For those who are going through a storm, hold on, for those in a moment of "Cloud 9" cherish the moment and commit it to memory ( your going to need it :) ) and for those who now walk the beaches and smile keep walking! It is this moment of your relationship that you fight for, the moment that says here we are, together, despite the storms! No matter how long it takes, fulfilling your commitment is what gives you the strength to do it all again, which trust me you will have to many times over.

In a moment of pure entertainment as I searched for quotes that might inspire my mind as I wrote this blog I ran across a quote by Sylvester Stallone. I thought I would share it as it really does sum up my thoughts.

I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting.

~Sylvester Stallone

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