Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Elephant in the Room.....

A philosophical epiphany about the elephants we have in the room.

We all know about the elephant in the room, the stuff under the carpet or the issue that just won't go away and we have long lived under the idea that we should confront the elephant and that is by far the "correct way" to go about removing it. While it sounds like a wonderful idea, let me offer you a picture, you come to the room with the elephant, you yank back the carpet and exclaim "AH HA" as though no one else their could see it until you did that and then you go about trying to SHOVE the elephant through a super tiny door hole (the door represents a closed mind). The reality is to get the elephant out of the room one of two things MUST HAPPEN. Either you reach a point where the door is big enough for elephant to get through or the elephant has to shrink!!

The reality stands that very rarely do the parties involved not know about the elephant but this idea that we must throw back the carpet and expose the issues, defend them and then attempt to shove the elephant through a mind that is closed is crazy!

I vote we starve the elephant, if you don't feed it, it will shrink and once it has shrunk enough, it will die.

This method is easily accomplished by statements of "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it isn't true" or "I can see your perception about this issue is negative so I am choosing not to address it with you anymore" and choosing to simply not allow others to take advantage of you mentally, physically or verbally. Once you have set these boundaries, then LEAVE THE ELEPHANT ALONE....... DO NOT FEED IT!!!! Don't return to it's pen, don't discuss it's habits, don't even sit by it's cage to see who else may be feeding it!!! When the issue isn't fed, it will die. Many times we have heard it said, "if you don't address the issue it will never go away" and that may be true but you must also understand that shoving an elephant issue through a small door is impossible. You can't make that door bigger only the individual who owns the door, and sometimes we need to examine the size of our door! If we have an elephant issue, we need to starve the thing or allow for a wider door in our mind so the elephant can exit uninhibited. Either way you must remember that you can't make another persons door wider, and by revealing the elephant and shoving it towards a tiny door you will get way too much resistance.....


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