Leadership, it's important.

       As I journey through the muddy waters of having to live the life of a single parent ( I'll refrain from the "single mom" cliche because I realize that being a single parent is not limited to only a mother) and relying on the generous yet stressful world of public assistance, I have been compelled to speak out about what I feel is a vital issue in today's families. The structures that have been laid waste by men who have failed to step up, step out and step through the smoke and obstacles that will quickly blind, maim and destroy a family.  

       I am not going to bash men or say that they are incapable of stepping up and out, I am actually going to paint the issue as it stands. God cursed the man in the garden to work his butt off ( Genesis 3:17-19) and no you're not going to get away with saying that was the woman's curse because he gave us a separate one and trust me as a mother of children born naturally, it was a very sufficient curse ;) (Genesis 3:16) and let us not forget the whole desire for the husband and his whole ruling over us bit......

Oh yes ladies I went there..... it's biblical so suck it up and get over it and  guys you will need to buckle up because I said I am NOT going to bash men, but I am going to bash bad leadership! Wouldn't you? 

I hear many people today talking about the horrid leadership we have in America today! I hear so many say, "If I could just get him face to face I'd tell that president what I think about how he's doing and how I think he should do it differently or just GET OUT OF OFFICE." So take this as a real eye opener and if applicable listen to your wife she may just be telling you something you should be listening to and chances are she's saying it in about as nice a tone as you'd address the current leaders of the country! 

    Every good leader has core values that make them a good leader! One of my former husbands biggest complaints was that I simply was not willing to be lead, but my equally frustrated response was that I simply was not going to be led to slaughter, like a defenseless animal. It is no secret that there are many strong willed independent women who have a head on their shoulders and it is highly presumptuous of a man to think that they will follow them blindly to slaughter.

        There are certain things that a leader of the family must be willing to accept about their position.  I will list them as I see them.

A leader of a family must be capable of

1. Leading an army ( the whole unit, not just the willing ones or the ones that are solid in conviction but the WHOLE UNIT)
2. Leading with integrity 
3. Leading with humility
4. Answer to a higher authority

        George Washington was by far a man that we have all learned accomplished great things when it came to leading his men in battle. Among those men were the 1st Virginia Regiment who upon learning of his plans to resign wrote a letter asking him to either reconsider or appoint a man of equal character. In the letter they stated 

         "Your steady adherence to impartial Justice, your quick Discernment and invariable Regard to Merit, wisely intended to inculcate those genuine Sentiments, of true Honor and Passion for Glory, from which the great military Achievements have been derived, first heighten'd our natural Emulation, and our Desire to excel."

Click Here for the whole letter here!

         Two things jump out at me in this sentence, first, the men list qualities that they seem to feel are important, impartial justice, quick discernment, regard for merit, honor and passion for glory. Secondly, these things, these characteristics are attributed for awakening their natural passion and desire to excel!!!

        Many times I have heard a man say that a women has to want to be led, or that she must be willing, in the right spirit or even broken before she can be led but I would argue that if a woman saw in her leader such characteristics as impartial justice, quick discernment and a regard for merit, her natural desire to excel under leadership as well as her commitment to her leader might be awakened in a way that would set a fire to the God given desires for her spouse! And much like the military men, she would not want or even look forward to any resignation of her leader!

         Ahhh Integrity, where exactly have you gone and honestly ( no pun intended) why do you matter? 

Samuel Johnson is quoted saying 

“There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.”

and Thomas Jefferson says "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." 

         Both men were wise in their ideas and it stands to reason that a leader who lacks integrity will lack in respect. Since men are appointed leaders over the woman it would seem imperative that they embody integrity in such a way that they might be accused of being too honest, or too morally sound. A woman is a delicate creature, longing for a strong arm to hold her, a supportive ear to hear her and a steadfast presentation to ensure her safety. None of these things is possible if her leader lacks integrity for she will feel that the strength is just a "show of force", the ear is simply to pacify her momentarily and that the steadfast presentation is nothing but a hollow shell sure to crumble under pressure. You cannot build confidence on lies, manipulations or even a tiny ounce of deceitfulness. A true leader must embrace integrity.

On ward and forward we march towards the need for humility. 

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less” -C. S. Lewis

         I absolutely love this quote from Lewis, it makes the definition of humility look like a thing that is easy to accomplish! But oh how difficult it is to remember that the thoughts you have should be focused not on yourself but on others. A follower is more likely to want to follow if they know that the person who is leading them is worthy of praise but willfully sets aside such things to make note of someone else's accomplishments. A humble leader is more likely to put his followers first, to provide when there is a need, to go beyond expectations and to understand that others are vital even if they don't have the same roles or responsibilities as them.


         Lastly, a true leader must answer to a higher authority. When a leader does not answer to a higher authority, they are a dictator. A man who answers to God is a man who lives under rules and regulations made to ensure his success. A man who refuses to answer to God becomes a slave to his own devices and quickly destroys his own reputation with those who would otherwise have grown to admire him.

"The blame for the broken homes, the untrained and undisciplined children, the immodestly dressed and fashion-mad wives, and the whole train of evils which curse our American civilization, must be placed upon degenerate, weakling men, slackers and shirkers and quitters, not willing to take the place of manhood and bear the burdens which God lays on men as heads of families." John R. Rice

Mr. Rice brings about a very interesting yet sad reality that the failure of the success of families falls upon the shoulders of the unwilling men, those who simply did not embrace the job of leadership God bestows upon all me who volunteer themselves for the position.

         So, after all this I must revisit my earlier idea that a man, when in a relationship with a woman is supposed to be a leader and as such he should possess the very qualities he might expect in a leader. As you consider what you want out of the President, Congress, Governor and even your local leadership in politics and church you must ask yourself, "Do I have the qualities of a leader? Am I one who should be followed? Am I even leading? Have I taken on the idea that my family is a unit who needs a leader?". All these questions most likely will be answered with a half yes or a hell no but either way there will be an answer.

 Once you have your answer then take those questions to your spouse and see what the answers are!!! 

Will she have the same opinions as the soldiers in Washington's unit? 

Will she beg you not to resign? 

         If you find yourself with the reality that you haven't been leading, START NOW! But don't expect a family that was formerly under your dictatorship to suddenly trust your guidance! You must demonstrate your leadership, repeatedly to cancel out the doubt, mistrust and poor performance you provided in your first term! 

You wouldn't expect anything less from the leader of this country!!!

What's the purpose?

I often wonder, "what's the purpose for all this?" and "Why are we taking this journey?" "What could possibly come of this?", but honestly it doesn't matter! I'm constantly seeing realities that tell me nothing is in vain when you recognize that God really does have it all under control. Wait a minute He doesn't have it under control, He's controlling it. He's got the good and the bad (at least what we think is bad).

Isaiah 47:5

 I form the light, and create darkness:

I make peace, and create evil:

I the Lord do all these things.

To all those who'd like to say that it simply doesn't mean what it says. You can call it calamity, you can call it evil you can call it what you want, but I'd rather believe it is what it is and that He really is the author of EVERYTHING! I know that there are MANY MANY debates about this verse, but for me I'd rather believe that the "care" and "preservation" of the Word is just as relevant to this verse as it is with all the others.

I don't want to serve a God who created a world where something caught Him by surprise. I don't want a God who didn't plan the good and the bad together. We do it all the time, we call it calculated risks. We make decisions knowing the realities, we manipulate what we can control to ensure the outcome is as we would like, the only difference between us and God is that He is the Author of it all. We just get to play a little in the world, He gets to work all things out for His glory.

I am amazed at the journey we have taken so far, the good, the bad and the ugly but none of it is a shock to God, because He's not piloting and waiting for a surprise. He's got it all within His control.

Remember that the next time you think you're at the mercy of the world.

We're praying for you..... Just call if you need anything....

I hate to say it but I am becoming a critic of my own faith. 

               I am realizing the amount of worthless chatter we present to the world, fellow believer and unbeliever alike. It is no wonder to me that so many people are turned away from faith so quickly. When I consider what I was taught as a child into adulthood and how little I saw it demonstrated it brings me to believe that our complacency as a religion is so deep that we are just as the Pharisees and Sadducees were in the days of Christ. A loudly boasting, noise producing, vast waste of space. Murdering the very essence of our faith through a lack of motivation, a lack of willingness to move and an overall buy in to the ridiculous statements such as "We're praying for you" and "Just call if you need anything".

              Now before you go nuts and think that I've lost all bearing, hear me out. When you hear someone say "we're praying for you" the first thought that comes to mind is "oh that's nice" or maybe you even think about your own prayer time and realize that if they are anything like you.... it's gonna be a short prayer said once or twice and then you'll be quickly forgotten. Even the believers have lost their faith in a solid petition of prayer to the Almighty and rightly so! We have pretty much made "I'll pray for you" a house hold statement as worthless as the slogan on a big company that implies they put customers first! Most importantly we have through that statement around as much as the words "I love you" hit the ears of so many people on Valentines day each year right before they break up and move on!!! We've overused and abused it to the point that it has lost its worth.

           How do we get it back? Simple really, if you say your going to pray for someone then do two things pray for them and then write a note and mail it! Example "I'll pray for your family" you say to a fellow friend. Two days later you think, oh I am supposed to be praying for them. You say a prayer and hastily depart to other things..... they never knew you actually did what you said you were going to do and honestly they have no reason to think you did, cause honestly EVERYBODY SAYS IT! So change the tune, when you say a prayer take 3 extra minutes to write a quick note, "Hey, I was thinking of your family and while I'd love to do more for you I simply can't at this time. But I wanted to know that you were in my thoughts and prayers today!" AND MAIL IT!!!! 

How quickly would those empty words be changed to a meaningful tangible reality for those who heard them and dismissed them as mindless christian chatter!!!

With all that being said to me lately, today my favorite christian phrase is "Just call if you need ANYTHING"..... seriously?     You need me to call?      My needs are posted all over the internet, on Facebook, in emails you have received, in phone calls I have made and YOU need ME to call you???

        As a person who claims to have faith we must learn to embrace our responsibilities as such, when you know someone is in need, you should NOT ask them to "give you a call" your right in FRONT of THEM...... instead of asking them to do yet another embarrassing thing like call and plead their case to you, simply say "I know things are tough right now, is there anything we can do for you?" or even "I saw you had some needs, and I wanted to ask you if x, y, or z might be helpful" showing that you as a caring person actually thought ahead demonstrates your commitment to actively working out your faith. I can honestly say that if I had even a dollar for every time I've heard "We're praying for you" or "If you need ANYTHING just call", my children wouldn't be homeless, we'd have a car of our own and we wouldn't be worrying about how the health insurance bill was going to be paid.

           You can call it ranting, you can claim I'm bitter if that will make you feel better but honestly what makes me angry is the fact that I used to listen to all this stuff about how people were just "hurt" because their expectations of people were too high and they let their "hurt" drive them away from the church....... what  a bunch of hype, the church is a place were building up, edifying, tending to those in need and providing like no other should be happening so where did WE go wrong? We went wrong when we put numbers and limitations on God, when we told God our budget wasn't big enough for His business and when we used the "good steward" excuse to avoid doing our job!!! What if, just what if we actually closed the bank account and worked on cash, paid all our needs in cash and donated the rest to those in need, do you think that God wouldn't provide if we as the "faithful" ones actually believed?

So in another attempt to say "wake up friends" here is my challenge for the week, when you KNOW someone is hurting or in need, don't just say one of the standard phrases and if heaven forbid you do, follow it up properly with ACTION!!!

We could all use a wake up call and I think that if you pay attention to the example God gave us, he didn't ask people to send him a letter before he could meet their needs. He faced it right at the moment it was presented and He FOLLOWED it up with ACTION...... if that is His example it should be ours as well!

GO MAKE A DIFFERENCE (notice it didn't say, go "say a difference).............. 

Our time in the Hospital!!!

This blogging thing sure took a hit in the last two weeks, mainly because my youngest son did a stint in the hospital with a massive infection near his eye! It's an ongoing process to take a bit stab at getting and staying healthy but much to my surprise it was much more difficult in the hospital!

In a place where "health" is supposed to be the thing, you couldn't find a real item in the kitchen if you paid them. Oh wait! I was paying them and good money, for the cost of a room a night they should be employing at least 1 5 star chef. I will be the first to say that Baptist South of Montgomery is an EXCELLENT place to receive medical care however it gets a 2 thumbs down for health and nutritional well being.

We were very clear to state that we were a whole foods/ natural foods consumer and few that surely there would be many items you could find in a "health conscience" hospital however I was very mistaken.

What we asked for What we got

Apple Sauce (no sugar added) Apple sauce with Nutri-Sweet
Butter for bread Margarine
Fish Fillet (for a 4yr old) Fish Fillet full of bones
Salad w healthy dressing Salad, no dressing
Vegetables We got them, however they were with nothing
on them because they use margarine to cook
with.
Eggs Had to make a special request for REAL eggs
Oatmeal ( not instant) They didn't have any
Juice ( no preserves) They didn't have ANY

What we got

Apple sauce with Nutri-Sweet
Margarine
Fish Fillet full of bones
Salad, no dressing
We got them, however they were with nothing
on them because they use margarine to cook
with.
Had to make a special request for REAL eggs
They didn't have any
They didn't have ANY

While I understand that they have to maintain many different diets, the least they can do is give homage to God's green earth!

We became wizards at clarification and ingenuity, creating ways to eat right. Eric brought homemade bread up with tuna fish, as I was cutting the slices of bread I turned to him and stated " we have officially become the WEIRD family"

I ended up making Catalina salad dressing out of organic catchup, vinegar, a touch of olive oil and one packet of real sugar. We learned how to put enough sea salt on the veggies to make them edible and keep a sundry of items in the fridge on the floor.

I don't think that these minor hiccups would have affected me except that on the second day the kitchen placed a "nutritional information statement" on my sons chart listing the "healthy eating choices" that he "NEEDED" as a 4 year old.....

My first thought was, I want my child to have all this but you don't really serve these things!! SO WHERE SHOULD I GET THEM???

Sometimes realizing that you've gone out on the "whole food" branch and you have no interest coming back makes you feel awkward especially in a place like a hospital where they are thrashing you continually about health but offering you a chemical mixture of fake butter, chemical sweeteners and practically nothing FRESH, HEALTHY or EDIBLE.

The final thought? If you want to get healthy, bring your own food!!!