I am a lazy woman.....

       I came into the door of my house tonight ready to go to sleep but that is not at all what was necessary. The kids needed to eat (cheers to my mother for giving me a pan of left over lasagna that just needed heating), the baby is hungry which requires me to stop what I'm doing to feed her, the dishes are piled high ( see picture to the right) laundry is on the floor, beds are not made, floors are not swept and there is NO WAY I'm showing you what kind of chaos the porch is in.  I must seriously be a lazy women.




   
        What kind of God fearing, self respecting woman would let the whole of her household look like an elementary student and a tornado organized for her? What kind of "mother" would allow her children to live like this....  I throw the baby in the walker, run water for the dishes, scream at the kid to find the dish soap that kids and hubby left outside where they had been washing the camper. Turn to the pan of lasagna and hack a few servings out carelessly dumping them on disposable plates and shove them into the microwave for a mere 30 seconds which might be great for a cup of coffee but is seriously not enough time for their food. I find a bag of steam-able green beans in the fridge and dump them in the microwave for 5 minutes, mutilate the bag with a pair of scissors I dug out of the dish water, dish up the green beans and tell my son that hates them that they're a new variety and thus consumable by his otherwise anti green bean palate. Score! He buys the line and off they go out the door to eat on the porch (which I remind you will not be featured in the pictures tonight due to the utter chaos that is present) while I begin to "put away" with far less care than is required the stacks of cloths that are on the bar/table.... Seriously shoving them in drawers and tossing them in boxes in a manner that would on another occasion be considered highly offensive because they ended up unfolded due to poor handling. Ugh..... why can't laundry do itself?
       
       At this point I am ready to just throw in the towel, no pun intended but instead of tossing up my hands and screaming at the top of my lungs which really seems like a great idea at this point I dig my heals in and go back to the sink and proceed to accomplish a few dishes before I'm flooded with requests like; "Are we going to get a drink?" WATER have all the water you want. "Can we have a fork?" Do you see what I'm doing? Do you think I'd be doing it if it didn't absolutely have to be done????? Eat with the spoon I gave you... Use your hands for the green beans, they're long. "Can we play legos when we are done?" NO WAY it's late you're going to bed..... It's like I've spoken a strange language since they were born and they've landed in an aliens house and think the responses are going to somehow change...... GO TO BED.....


         BED..... oh my gosh look at my room..... I can't stand it. I have to get this situated before I can even think about going to bed.... mind you the baby is now practically foaming at the mouth for some mom time because I am completely ignoring her plea for attention. Wait a minute there are still dishes... crisis moment as I decide to abandon the half done dishes and proceed to pick up the bedroom area in hopes that upon return to the dishes I will "feel" ok that the bedroom is clean enough to go to bed in and thus motivate me to finish my psychotic attempt to right everything that has been wronged in the last three days.  Lets not even consider that there is another grown adult in this house hold and we both hold jobs.... that would be offensive at best to suggest that the other party is slacking.... The kids aren't helpless either at 11, 10 and almost 9 what in the heavens are they doing most of the time? Oh well... no time to dwell on that. On to the front door were the shoes were all over until I tucked them neatly in their cubby a touch of sweeping and on into the bathroom I go....

      Strip to underwear and t-shirt because there is NO GOOD REASON not to wear your blue jeans 2 days in a row and proceed to douse the very large tub with cleaner step over the side nearly clearing my feet from underneath me and swiftly clean the tub thinking maybe if I get up early enough in the morning I'll take a bath ( I haven't had one in two... no wait maybe three days) that's a big IF but definitely moving higher on the priority list. Pick up the dirty cloths that somehow make it next to but never in the basket. Finally I empty the trash and come out of the bathroom feeling like I've accomplished a small portion of an overwhelming task at the same time making a mental note that I should clean the bathroom first next time as it's nice to be out of my jeans and it makes you feel accomplished.

Holy mackerel where did the time go. The baby's sounds have now become intolerable to ignore so I throw some veggies in the oven on broil and lay down on the bed to feed her hoping the veggies won't end up being sticks of charcoal by the time I'm done.  After she eats I lay the angel in her bed and head back to the kitchen where I rescue my veggies, wipe off the top of the stove, get some cashew milk and cottage cheese and sit down for a short break. Finally I decide that the half done dishes, half swept floor, half cleaned bedroom and chaotic porch will just have to wait for another day when I'm not being a lazy woman.

         So to all the lazy women out there, take a minute and respect the fact that you are a hard working, lazy looking woman who will rarely get the recognition you'd like..... Go buy yourself some flowers to put on your half cleaned counter top and for heavens sake go to bed......... You can repeat the process tomorrow :)

It's all about the Bias

I finally have a moment to sit and type out a post. I've been meaning to do it for some time. Good thing my life doesn't depend on the number of blog posts I accomplish in a week, month or even a year for that matter!

So today I want to talk about Bias. The world is rampant with people screaming for acceptance, people arguing that things are racist and even that if conservatives weren't so conservative that life would be better for everyone. We live in a day where most people want the truth so bad they're cheering on a loud mouthed arrogent billionaire for President (who happens to say a lot of the things we want to say).

What is happening???

After a quick trip to my favorite dictionary site I found the definition of bias;

bi·as

ˈbīəs/

noun

1. 1. 

   prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair.

   "there was evidence of bias against foreign applicants"

   synonyms:

   prejudice, partiality, partisanship, favoritism, unfairness, one-sidedness; More
2. 2. 

   in some sports, such as lawn bowling, the irregular shape given to a ball.

verb

1. 1. 

   cause to feel or show inclination or prejudice for or against someone or something.

   "readers said the paper was biased toward the conservatives"

   synonyms:

   prejudice, influence, color, sway, weight, predispose; More

2. 

give a bias to.

"bias the ball"

I would venture to say all of us are pretty familiar with noun description one and verb description one! But honestly what is bias and why does it matter? Biases are things that we think that persuade our actions or words. 

I have a lot of biases, so do you! You just don't think of them much because it isn't at the for thought of your mind.  When I was growing up we were taught a number of things and each moral point or opinion was an area where my mind could take hold of a bias and keep it.  Bias is a BAD BAD word, people automatically assume that if you have bias you are either an eccentric or a racist and that's crazy. The synonyms for bias are prejudice, partiality, partisanship, favoritism, unfairness and one-sidedness. 

Let's for the sake of care start calling this little issue favoritism for just a moment :) I have favoritism for truth, honesty, respect, and just an overall moral view! This does not extend past that and ironically when you have partiality or favoritism for these things the people who don't have it really truly think you are biased against them. WHY? People have a very hard time separating themselves from the issue. 

Recently my husband and I resigned from the local fire department, because we are biased of course! We have a thing, an unfair thing for good leadership! We don't think the people are bad, just their leadership skills :) I'll even bet you have a bias in that area too! 

Have you ever criticized the president? Ever considered the views of a leader or boss to be unjust, unfair or poor in management? Ah Ha, how dare you! You biased person you!..... 

           Take this a step deeper, you prefer morals, and now the person is not the same skin tone as you...... oooooohhhhhh..... now your racist in the eyes of the person... because it can't have anything to do with behaviors. Now don't misunderstand me there ARE PEOPLE who are racist, but many many times the issue isn't the skin but the behavior!

As individual in society we need to draw the line between our bias and understand that not all bias is bad. However we must remember that whomever is doing the opposite of what we are biased towards is going to feel as though we don't like them and most likely react accordingly. Here's what that book, you know the "good" book.... says about bias

Exodus 23:

1“You shall not bear a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked man to be a malicious witness. 2 You shall not follow [a]the masses in doing evil, nor shall you [b]testify in a dispute so as to turn aside after [c]a multitude in order to pervert justice; 3 nor shall you [d]be partial to a poor man in his dispute.

4 “If you meet your enemy’s ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him. 5 If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying helpless under its load, you shall refrain from leaving it to him, you shall surely release it with him.

6 “You shall not pervert the justice due to your needy brother in his dispute. 7 Keep far from a false charge, and do not kill the innocent or the righteous, for I will not acquit the guilty.

8 “You shall not take a bribe, for a bribe blinds the clear-sighted and [e]subverts the cause of the just.

9 “You shall not oppress a [f]stranger, since you yourselves know the [g]feelings of a [h]stranger, for you also were [i]strangers in the land of Egypt.

Biases are expected by God and He expects them to lean towards godliness. This does not mean that others will appreciate them nor does it mean you should change them. Just understand that when a bias is founded in the truth it is good, however when the bias is founded in the things of the world like prejudice against race, size, color or tone then it is unacceptable and should be removed. I will always be biased against lying, stealing, cheating and disrespect and I will have a bias for my Country because it is mine, I will have a bias for my children (the obedient and the disobedient), I will have a bias for my family..... and all these things are just a few of my biases. 

What are yours? 

                 Good bias? 

                              Bad bias?   

Leadership, it's important.

       As I journey through the muddy waters of having to live the life of a single parent ( I'll refrain from the "single mom" cliche because I realize that being a single parent is not limited to only a mother) and relying on the generous yet stressful world of public assistance, I have been compelled to speak out about what I feel is a vital issue in today's families. The structures that have been laid waste by men who have failed to step up, step out and step through the smoke and obstacles that will quickly blind, maim and destroy a family.  

       I am not going to bash men or say that they are incapable of stepping up and out, I am actually going to paint the issue as it stands. God cursed the man in the garden to work his butt off ( Genesis 3:17-19) and no you're not going to get away with saying that was the woman's curse because he gave us a separate one and trust me as a mother of children born naturally, it was a very sufficient curse ;) (Genesis 3:16) and let us not forget the whole desire for the husband and his whole ruling over us bit......

Oh yes ladies I went there..... it's biblical so suck it up and get over it and  guys you will need to buckle up because I said I am NOT going to bash men, but I am going to bash bad leadership! Wouldn't you? 

I hear many people today talking about the horrid leadership we have in America today! I hear so many say, "If I could just get him face to face I'd tell that president what I think about how he's doing and how I think he should do it differently or just GET OUT OF OFFICE." So take this as a real eye opener and if applicable listen to your wife she may just be telling you something you should be listening to and chances are she's saying it in about as nice a tone as you'd address the current leaders of the country! 

    Every good leader has core values that make them a good leader! One of my former husbands biggest complaints was that I simply was not willing to be lead, but my equally frustrated response was that I simply was not going to be led to slaughter, like a defenseless animal. It is no secret that there are many strong willed independent women who have a head on their shoulders and it is highly presumptuous of a man to think that they will follow them blindly to slaughter.

        There are certain things that a leader of the family must be willing to accept about their position.  I will list them as I see them.

A leader of a family must be capable of

1. Leading an army ( the whole unit, not just the willing ones or the ones that are solid in conviction but the WHOLE UNIT)
2. Leading with integrity 
3. Leading with humility
4. Answer to a higher authority

        George Washington was by far a man that we have all learned accomplished great things when it came to leading his men in battle. Among those men were the 1st Virginia Regiment who upon learning of his plans to resign wrote a letter asking him to either reconsider or appoint a man of equal character. In the letter they stated 

         "Your steady adherence to impartial Justice, your quick Discernment and invariable Regard to Merit, wisely intended to inculcate those genuine Sentiments, of true Honor and Passion for Glory, from which the great military Achievements have been derived, first heighten'd our natural Emulation, and our Desire to excel."

Click Here for the whole letter here!

         Two things jump out at me in this sentence, first, the men list qualities that they seem to feel are important, impartial justice, quick discernment, regard for merit, honor and passion for glory. Secondly, these things, these characteristics are attributed for awakening their natural passion and desire to excel!!!

        Many times I have heard a man say that a women has to want to be led, or that she must be willing, in the right spirit or even broken before she can be led but I would argue that if a woman saw in her leader such characteristics as impartial justice, quick discernment and a regard for merit, her natural desire to excel under leadership as well as her commitment to her leader might be awakened in a way that would set a fire to the God given desires for her spouse! And much like the military men, she would not want or even look forward to any resignation of her leader!

         Ahhh Integrity, where exactly have you gone and honestly ( no pun intended) why do you matter? 

Samuel Johnson is quoted saying 

“There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.”

and Thomas Jefferson says "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." 

         Both men were wise in their ideas and it stands to reason that a leader who lacks integrity will lack in respect. Since men are appointed leaders over the woman it would seem imperative that they embody integrity in such a way that they might be accused of being too honest, or too morally sound. A woman is a delicate creature, longing for a strong arm to hold her, a supportive ear to hear her and a steadfast presentation to ensure her safety. None of these things is possible if her leader lacks integrity for she will feel that the strength is just a "show of force", the ear is simply to pacify her momentarily and that the steadfast presentation is nothing but a hollow shell sure to crumble under pressure. You cannot build confidence on lies, manipulations or even a tiny ounce of deceitfulness. A true leader must embrace integrity.

On ward and forward we march towards the need for humility. 

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less” -C. S. Lewis

         I absolutely love this quote from Lewis, it makes the definition of humility look like a thing that is easy to accomplish! But oh how difficult it is to remember that the thoughts you have should be focused not on yourself but on others. A follower is more likely to want to follow if they know that the person who is leading them is worthy of praise but willfully sets aside such things to make note of someone else's accomplishments. A humble leader is more likely to put his followers first, to provide when there is a need, to go beyond expectations and to understand that others are vital even if they don't have the same roles or responsibilities as them.


         Lastly, a true leader must answer to a higher authority. When a leader does not answer to a higher authority, they are a dictator. A man who answers to God is a man who lives under rules and regulations made to ensure his success. A man who refuses to answer to God becomes a slave to his own devices and quickly destroys his own reputation with those who would otherwise have grown to admire him.

"The blame for the broken homes, the untrained and undisciplined children, the immodestly dressed and fashion-mad wives, and the whole train of evils which curse our American civilization, must be placed upon degenerate, weakling men, slackers and shirkers and quitters, not willing to take the place of manhood and bear the burdens which God lays on men as heads of families." John R. Rice

Mr. Rice brings about a very interesting yet sad reality that the failure of the success of families falls upon the shoulders of the unwilling men, those who simply did not embrace the job of leadership God bestows upon all me who volunteer themselves for the position.

         So, after all this I must revisit my earlier idea that a man, when in a relationship with a woman is supposed to be a leader and as such he should possess the very qualities he might expect in a leader. As you consider what you want out of the President, Congress, Governor and even your local leadership in politics and church you must ask yourself, "Do I have the qualities of a leader? Am I one who should be followed? Am I even leading? Have I taken on the idea that my family is a unit who needs a leader?". All these questions most likely will be answered with a half yes or a hell no but either way there will be an answer.

 Once you have your answer then take those questions to your spouse and see what the answers are!!! 

Will she have the same opinions as the soldiers in Washington's unit? 

Will she beg you not to resign? 

         If you find yourself with the reality that you haven't been leading, START NOW! But don't expect a family that was formerly under your dictatorship to suddenly trust your guidance! You must demonstrate your leadership, repeatedly to cancel out the doubt, mistrust and poor performance you provided in your first term! 

You wouldn't expect anything less from the leader of this country!!!

What's the purpose?

I often wonder, "what's the purpose for all this?" and "Why are we taking this journey?" "What could possibly come of this?", but honestly it doesn't matter! I'm constantly seeing realities that tell me nothing is in vain when you recognize that God really does have it all under control. Wait a minute He doesn't have it under control, He's controlling it. He's got the good and the bad (at least what we think is bad).

Isaiah 47:5

 I form the light, and create darkness:

I make peace, and create evil:

I the Lord do all these things.

To all those who'd like to say that it simply doesn't mean what it says. You can call it calamity, you can call it evil you can call it what you want, but I'd rather believe it is what it is and that He really is the author of EVERYTHING! I know that there are MANY MANY debates about this verse, but for me I'd rather believe that the "care" and "preservation" of the Word is just as relevant to this verse as it is with all the others.

I don't want to serve a God who created a world where something caught Him by surprise. I don't want a God who didn't plan the good and the bad together. We do it all the time, we call it calculated risks. We make decisions knowing the realities, we manipulate what we can control to ensure the outcome is as we would like, the only difference between us and God is that He is the Author of it all. We just get to play a little in the world, He gets to work all things out for His glory.

I am amazed at the journey we have taken so far, the good, the bad and the ugly but none of it is a shock to God, because He's not piloting and waiting for a surprise. He's got it all within His control.

Remember that the next time you think you're at the mercy of the world.

I will make History!!!

The last few days I've been contemplating what I would write about next. The funny thing is that when I have to think about it, there are tons of ideas that run through my head but none of them seem blog worthy in the end, mainly because I veto them before they have a chance to flourish into a post or even a full sentence for that matter!

So today as I was folding laundry I noticed my nephew's shirt had a statement on it. In big bold letters it says "I will make history". I couldn't help but find the irony in this statement. You see we're all making history one way or another. We make history as we live our lives day in and day out, with the people we meet, friends, family and even the meaningless encounters with people we don't know. Every step we take will send us another direction, some will step the same path over and over repeating mistakes and bringing misery, others will find new direction and in doing so find a way to create a new path and a better existence. With all the talk of politics and guns, I have quickly realized that the shirt represents an idea that I'd love for my children to embrace, I will make history, a history that will be talked about, not like we talk about our today.

There is no shortage of posts on facebook concerning the day to day events of our lives and I don't want my kids to look back on my little history day to day or even the big history of our country and realize that I didn't do that much to "make history" and that I let others "make it" for me. It would be a real shame. It made me think of ways my life has been impacted by others "history".

While out doing family research I came across an epitaph that still to this day makes me wonder, what would my "history" look like in a simple statement, on a stone, would it stand out enough to make others think? Would it be something that would impress someone even after I'm gone?

This one did..... a simple statement

 "Defer not till tomorrow to be wise, for tomorrows 'sun on thee may never rise".

- William Congreve - 

 

 I don't know a thing about that family member but what I do know is he made history for me by leaving words on his stone that reminded me to think about the current day wisely because the next was not promised. I'll never forget his epitaph and the value those words had to me. 

Most of the time when we think about making history our mind lingers towards, laws, historical stories, popular figures of the past and even a few people who have made an impression on us in our very short lives. Rarely do we stop to think about the history we are making daily. Every day, the decisions we make, the patterns and paths we follow are slowly making an impression on those we know, be it parents, children, nieces, nephews, neighbors, facebook "friends", spouses and friends.

          The history I've shared with people I've known for years is often scattered with the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a long saga of triumphs and tradgedies that sometimes I'd rather not remember. I look back on many of my years and wonder, what if anything would I change and how would that have changed the history I've left with others? There are a times I know that even my personality, character and motivations have altered the outcome of a seemingly empty event or conversations, leaving behind a memory or a thought that will forever stay with the people I was around at that moment and the end result is permanant, it's history.

Today, strive to "make history" that is positive, uplifting and life changing! History that will encourage others to think about things in a different way, gain a feeling that helps them continue a journey they have long desired to quit or even do something that will make a difference to them. When you effectively pursue a life that "makes" history then you can know that your accomplishing something, don't let others make your history for you!!!

We're praying for you..... Just call if you need anything....

I hate to say it but I am becoming a critic of my own faith. 

               I am realizing the amount of worthless chatter we present to the world, fellow believer and unbeliever alike. It is no wonder to me that so many people are turned away from faith so quickly. When I consider what I was taught as a child into adulthood and how little I saw it demonstrated it brings me to believe that our complacency as a religion is so deep that we are just as the Pharisees and Sadducees were in the days of Christ. A loudly boasting, noise producing, vast waste of space. Murdering the very essence of our faith through a lack of motivation, a lack of willingness to move and an overall buy in to the ridiculous statements such as "We're praying for you" and "Just call if you need anything".

              Now before you go nuts and think that I've lost all bearing, hear me out. When you hear someone say "we're praying for you" the first thought that comes to mind is "oh that's nice" or maybe you even think about your own prayer time and realize that if they are anything like you.... it's gonna be a short prayer said once or twice and then you'll be quickly forgotten. Even the believers have lost their faith in a solid petition of prayer to the Almighty and rightly so! We have pretty much made "I'll pray for you" a house hold statement as worthless as the slogan on a big company that implies they put customers first! Most importantly we have through that statement around as much as the words "I love you" hit the ears of so many people on Valentines day each year right before they break up and move on!!! We've overused and abused it to the point that it has lost its worth.

           How do we get it back? Simple really, if you say your going to pray for someone then do two things pray for them and then write a note and mail it! Example "I'll pray for your family" you say to a fellow friend. Two days later you think, oh I am supposed to be praying for them. You say a prayer and hastily depart to other things..... they never knew you actually did what you said you were going to do and honestly they have no reason to think you did, cause honestly EVERYBODY SAYS IT! So change the tune, when you say a prayer take 3 extra minutes to write a quick note, "Hey, I was thinking of your family and while I'd love to do more for you I simply can't at this time. But I wanted to know that you were in my thoughts and prayers today!" AND MAIL IT!!!! 

How quickly would those empty words be changed to a meaningful tangible reality for those who heard them and dismissed them as mindless christian chatter!!!

With all that being said to me lately, today my favorite christian phrase is "Just call if you need ANYTHING"..... seriously?     You need me to call?      My needs are posted all over the internet, on Facebook, in emails you have received, in phone calls I have made and YOU need ME to call you???

        As a person who claims to have faith we must learn to embrace our responsibilities as such, when you know someone is in need, you should NOT ask them to "give you a call" your right in FRONT of THEM...... instead of asking them to do yet another embarrassing thing like call and plead their case to you, simply say "I know things are tough right now, is there anything we can do for you?" or even "I saw you had some needs, and I wanted to ask you if x, y, or z might be helpful" showing that you as a caring person actually thought ahead demonstrates your commitment to actively working out your faith. I can honestly say that if I had even a dollar for every time I've heard "We're praying for you" or "If you need ANYTHING just call", my children wouldn't be homeless, we'd have a car of our own and we wouldn't be worrying about how the health insurance bill was going to be paid.

           You can call it ranting, you can claim I'm bitter if that will make you feel better but honestly what makes me angry is the fact that I used to listen to all this stuff about how people were just "hurt" because their expectations of people were too high and they let their "hurt" drive them away from the church....... what  a bunch of hype, the church is a place were building up, edifying, tending to those in need and providing like no other should be happening so where did WE go wrong? We went wrong when we put numbers and limitations on God, when we told God our budget wasn't big enough for His business and when we used the "good steward" excuse to avoid doing our job!!! What if, just what if we actually closed the bank account and worked on cash, paid all our needs in cash and donated the rest to those in need, do you think that God wouldn't provide if we as the "faithful" ones actually believed?

So in another attempt to say "wake up friends" here is my challenge for the week, when you KNOW someone is hurting or in need, don't just say one of the standard phrases and if heaven forbid you do, follow it up properly with ACTION!!!

We could all use a wake up call and I think that if you pay attention to the example God gave us, he didn't ask people to send him a letter before he could meet their needs. He faced it right at the moment it was presented and He FOLLOWED it up with ACTION...... if that is His example it should be ours as well!

GO MAKE A DIFFERENCE (notice it didn't say, go "say a difference)..............